Paceville Black Bulls FC v Madliena Maleth Albion – 12/10/24

Well, what a rollercoaster of emotions that was! Maleth Albion kicked off their season with a 2-2 draw against Paceville Black Bulls FC, and let’s just say, it was an afternoon filled with goals, drama, and a few moments that left Coach Byrne questioning reality.

Maleth Albion lined up in a solid 4-1-4-1 formation, with Luigi making his debut, and it couldn’t have started better. From the first whistle, Paceville Black Bulls won the kickoff, passed it back to their goalkeeper, who clearly wasn’t ready for Maleth’s high press. In a moment of pure comedy, he tried to hoof it long, only for the ball to cannon off Luigi (legitimately, not the arm, VAR would confirm) and straight into the net. 20 seconds in. 1-0. Welcome to the team, Luigi!

But after that dream start, the Black Bulls got comfortable on the ball, and Maleth Albion’s players seemed to forget how to press properly. It was like they’d swapped their football boots for slippers. A quick tactical tweak from Coach Byrne was needed, switching to some good ol’ route-one football, and it did the trick. Sure, the Black Bulls had some chances, but Maleth were still causing chaos up front, especially from Tommy’s long throws that should come with a health warning. Luigi nearly made it 2-0 with a thunderous volley off one of these missiles, but their defender somehow blocked it on the line.
Then came another golden chance – this time Luigi controlled Tommy’s throw, spun like a seasoned ballerina, and smashed a shot that the keeper tipped onto the post, and the ball agonizingly rolled across the line. So close, but not close enough.
Despite the pressure from Black Bulls, Maleth remained a threat on the counter, with Keenan having a couple of shots that nearly took out low-flying aircraft. But just before halftime, Maleth doubled their lead. A free kick from Tom Atko floated beautifully into the box, and Keenan, using that big Canadian head of his, rose highest and buried a header into the bottom corner. 2-0. Lovely stuff.

Things nearly got shaky just before halftime when Black Bulls hit the crossbar (which definitely didn’t cross the line – or so the Maleth bench insists), but Maleth survived, and they headed into the break with a 2-0 lead.
The Byrne Halftime Special™ – an inspirational team talk so influential that Simmo looked completely stunned. So stunned, in fact, that when the second half started, and the ball was played back to him, he forgot what football was altogether. The Black Bulls striker pinched the ball off him and slotted it into the net. 2-1. Cheers, Simmo.

The rest of the second half… well, it wasn’t a pretty watch. Think of it like this: they pass, Maleth defend for their lives. Repeat. Coach Byrne decided not to mess with the shape too much, and the team held on, determined to see the game out.
With about 20 minutes to go, Byrne brought Istvan on for Luigi, hoping for a spark. And just like that, two minutes later, a Tommy throw (aka the rocket launcher) flicked off Simmo’s head and fell perfectly to Istvan, who smashed it into the roof of the net. Istvan was already gearing up for his trademark triple backflip celebration when everyone noticed the linesman’s flag. Offside! It was a controversial decision, to say the least, and there’s still debate over whether it was actually offside or if the linesman was just a bit salty after Amaury called him “shit” five minutes earlier. A mystery for the ages.

Maleth fought hard to hold on, but the inevitable happened. Another mix-up at the back involving Luke left him in three minds, and much like Simmo earlier, he chose to do… nothing. Their striker ran through, slotted it home, and boom – 2-2.
Not the ending Maleth Albion wanted, but the ref soon blew the whistle for full time, and that was that. A chaotic game filled with ups, downs, and plenty of head-scratching moments. Still, the lads showed plenty of spirit. It’s only the first game of the season – there’s a lot to build on. Onwards and upwards!